Ringing in the New Year: Reflections, Regrets, Revelations & Resolutions
New Year's Eve, the day where everyone makes promises, says how wonderful the previous year was, prepares for a night of fun and festivities, and eagerly anticipating the chance to start over. Some had the best years of their lives where you see the happiness and joy reflected in Instagram and Facebook posts or those that went through unspeakable pain and torment thanking God that 2018 will soon be a distant memory. It’s the day where we make plans for how we will attack this new year so as to not continue to repeat the habits of the past. Even those who poo-poo making resolutions, like me, are still mulling around the possibilities of what turning the page into 2019 will produce.
According to ABCactionnews.com, the following are the top 6 New Year’s Resolutions for 2019:
Losing weight and increasing exercise 38% (which is down from 41% last year)
Saving money 37%
Travel 24%
New Job or hobby 12%
Make new friends 11%
Find Love 7%
How many of you what to accomplish one of these items? I want to do 5 out of the 6 items on this list ( If I wasn’t typing both of my hands would be raised and I would be jumping around like Stewie from Family Guy at the Death Ray Auction here’s the clip for a visual).
If I have learned anything about myself over the years is that I will CONSTANTLY say I’m going to do accomplish this, that or the other and I will NEVER do it. I will make the same resolution to lose 100 lbs Every year and then I see a cake and it’s all over. All I have to do is see it...trust me. Now have I done it before? I was close, losing about 70 lbs in 2008-2009, props to college LPJ; but I didn’t stick with it. I fell right back into the eating and lifestyle habits I had before and with the inability to exercise (shoulder surgery) I was soon back to where I started. Now is this occurrence upsetting, hell yes! Not because the rolls have been returned to the bakery but because I continued to fall down the slope because I had made this my number one focus year after year and I never dropped the weight again and the idea of a New Year’s Resolution turned into just not seeing any of my multiple promises through. So this year before I make any resolutions or promises for 2019, I decided to reflect on the occurrences of this year, identify the regrets I have, explore my revelations and finally my “resolutions” moving forward into the new year.
“Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me”- Reflections, Mulan (Sorry I like Disney movies)
2018 was a year of self-reflection and realization for me. I realized that I complain A LOT but most importantly that I wasn’t taking any action towards remedying the situations the plagued me. I will bitch and moan until the cows come home but if fixing the problem required any work that pushed me out of my comfort zone, well I would pump my brakes. For me, it’s always been easier for me to blame everything else for my problems, my finances, home size, job, co-workers, husband, mom, dog you name it I’ve blamed it. So as I trudged through 2018 and I lost an outlet for my emotions through my therapist, I came to my “aha” moment that in order for me to survive physically, mentally, and emotionally I needed to take responsibility for the part I have played in my own misery and take action towards removing the self-imposed albatross from around my neck.
In addition to reclaiming my own happiness, I realized that 2018 was the first year since I was 12 that I didn't fixate on my weight and my body as much as I used to. Now some of you might be thinking well maybe you should have been focused on that, but to quote Nicole Beyer, “Girl, own your body” and I am so there! As long as the doctor says I am healthy and my dog loves me, who gives a shit about my extra ripples and rolls. I don’t now, and I won’t! It’s self-deprecation and degrading and I no longer want to be a part of that club! (I’m sticking my tongue out cause I’m still a 5-year old at heart).
“Look sometimes bad things happen and there is nothing you can do about it so why worry?”- Simba, The Lion King (When he said this to Nala I almost slapped him through the TV)
Anyone who tells you that they regret nothing in life because everything that happens to them is a direct result of all of the pitfalls they’ve gone through then they are full of shit. I regret having doughnuts for breakfast this morning even though they were damn good. EVERYONE has regrets, but it’s whether you dwell on them or accept them for what they are and move forward that makes all of the difference. My biggest regret really for the past few years is not loving myself first. I entered my relationship with my now husband before I truly loved myself and because of this the last 5 years has been a struggle for me. I thought I was ready to get married and that marriage would fix what was broken inside but if anything its just put a brighter spotlight on my baggage. It became harder and harder to hide my sadness, insecurities, faults. I couldn’t be upbeat, happy and secure Laura 24/7. My quirks became less and less appealing and harder to conceal with humor. Should I have waited to get married, probably, but I let my actions and beliefs be controlled or influenced by others pressuring me to move forward at a faster rate even though I know that was not their intention. Also, I honestly believed that having love was what I was missing in my life. Now don’t get me wrong I love my husband. He is my best friend, my confidant, he picks me up when I hit bottom and holds me when I cry and does whatever he can to make me smile again even at his own expense. The issue is that because I didn't love myself first I have a tendency to channel my anger and frustrations with myself in a destructive manner which turns into me starting fights with Ken over things as small as putting the jelly on the wrong shelf in the refrigerator, it’s not a good look. Taking things out on the people I love and those who love me is my deepest regret that I will fight tooth and nail to change moving forward.
“Sometimes the right path is not the easiest one.” – Grandmother Willow, Pocahontas
A ton of things went wrong in 2018, I can’t even list them all but I will say that because so many things did not go as planned I came to some revelations about myself as I continue, God willing, to walk on this earth. Don’t worry I’m just going to list these out for you (wink):
It’s OK to not be OK.
Hard work doesn’t always pay off in the traditional sense of the phrase.
I can live with less (stuff, money etc.) than I thought.
Cleaning and organization give me clarity of thought.
How important writing is to me and my ability to release myself from the shackles of my mind. (happy new year!!! Yes, the ball just dropped as I’m typing this. Don’t judge me! lol!)
Recognizing the pain in others to ensure that I don’t pass immediate judgment.
I cannot rely on others to make me feel whole.
It’s OK to ask for/ seek the assistance of others when needed.
It’s important to say no.
“If watching is all you’re going to do, then you’re going to watch your life go by without you.” – Laverne, The Hunchback of Notre Dame
2019 is officially upon us ladies and gentlemen and personally, I do not want to continue my patterns of years past, making resolutions and promises to myself and others that do not turn into actual life changes. So this year I have resolved to do the following (yes it’s another list I’m sure you're pumped about that!):
Do not make promises but take action.
Pursue what makes me happy and not turning to destructive habits when things don’t go exactly to plan.
Shut the door on 2018. Don’t take your pitfalls from one year to the next. Shut the door on that bitch!
If you can’t forgive yourself or reflect on what’s occurred, and recognize what needs to be altered then no amount of goals, promises or aspirations will fix it. Find the root of your issue, attack it and the peace will come, the goals will be met and you will experience a genuine life change, not a one-time occurrence. (at least I hope so!)
Don’t put a timetable on life change you will only end up disappointed in yourself even if you put in work.
Starting small is better than not starting at all.
As the clock winds down on 2018 the movie Titanic comes to mind. Not because I feel like the coming year is going to be a sinking ship but I am reminded of something Leonardo DiCaprio’s character, Jack, says during the dinner scene, “I got everything I need right here with me. I got air in my lungs, a few blank sheets of paper. I mean, I love waking up in the morning not knowing what’s gonna happen or who I’m gonna meet, where I’m gonna wind up. Just the other night I was sleeping under a bridge and now I am here on the grandest ship in the world having champagne with you fine people. I figure life’s a gift and I don’t intend on wasting it. You don’t know what hand you’re gonna get dealt next. You learn to take life as it comes at you… to make each day count.” Here’s to making this year and those to come count. I wish you all a happy, healthy and life-changing New Year!
Sincerely yours,
LPJ
Image: Plant the Future